All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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