i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently you make a good broom.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
