Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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