my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
