You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
