remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
