My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
