Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
