I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
