i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
