If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
