Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
