Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
