So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
