I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
