If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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