If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
