capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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