I accidentally burped into my bong.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
