I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I just sharted jello shots
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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