Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
