ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
