I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
