Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
