You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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