While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
