I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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