Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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