i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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