Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
