I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
