i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
