just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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