that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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