Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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