So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
