I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
