Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
