You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
