I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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