I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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