i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
