If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
