This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
