never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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