I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
