I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
