I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
