There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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