Porn is love you can see.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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