Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
