Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
