i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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