thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
