Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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