I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
